Hopes and Fears

Author: tyffi
Pairing: Lex/OFC
Rating: R (for language and to be on the safe side. ;) )
Category: Angst, AU, romance
Words: ~ 19350
A/N: I've twisted the SV storyline to make it fit into my AU. Morgan Edge isn't dead - only hiding - and Lex's brain wasn't fried (yet).
Summary: Lex's dreams could come true - a scary imagination.
Beta: the wonderful morganichele! Thanks again! *hugs*

Disclaimer: "Smallville" and its characters are copyright of DC Comics, Warner Bros, Tollin/Robbins and Millar/Gough Ink. The mistakes are mine.

Hopes and Fears

"Morgan Edge's daughter?!" Lex spat the words in her face; his voice sounded disgusted and stunned. "Does that mean everything you've told me about you and your past was just a lie? Is Chris even your real name?"

"Of course, it is! I've always been Chris. I never lied to you," Chris winced. "Lex, I wanted to tell you earlier, but - "

"It's so much easier to lie," he snapped, moving closer.

They were standing in the hallway, right in front of the head of the stairs. Lex had followed her upstairs and was now blocking her way. His breath smelled sharply of Scotch, and Chris noticed his left hand bleeding – it seemed as if he had cut himself by grabbing his glass tight enough to make it burst.

"Lex, your hand -"

"The last years... did they mean anything to you, or was it just a game? Did you fool me all the time?" He watched Chris furiously, his shoulders shaking with anger. "Was it at least fun to you? Was it fun to play me?"

Chris was too petrified as if she could answer at once. Never had she seen Lex in such a rage before, though she had almost expected him to freak out about her confession. He wasn't the man she used to know any longer - the self-control, the coolness was gone. But, how would she have reacted if he had told her anything like that? Lex had tried to trust her, even though it wasn't in his nature at all, and now he learned that she was lying at him about her family origins.

Chris winced again and wished she would have kept this secret.
Anxiously, she looked up at him, and for a moment there was hurt and disappointment in his eyes so that she was actually more worried than scared. She had never meant to hurt him!

Chris tried to smile, her hand grabbing for his. Everything would be fine when she apologized for not telling him earlier. But, in the blink of an eye, his expression changed again.

"ANSWER!" Staving off her hand, Lex moved even closer. "Why did I meet you? Is that your father's greeting from the vault? Are you here to finish what he had started?"

There was something in his eyes that scared her, and she felt her knees wobbling. How could he assume that she was trying to harm him?

"No, Lex, no! I never lied to you about my feelings... Never! I love you, Lex!" She realized that her voice was shaking and her cheeks began to get wet. She wasn't supposed to cry. Not now. Not in front of him. "Please, please believe me. I -"

Lex stopped her talking by smashing her in the face. Hard enough to make her stumble back, tasting her own blood. She stared at him, shocked.

"STOP LYING TO ME! You are a murderer's daughter! How could I believe anything that you say?" He watched her, venomously and disgusted. "Your father killed my grandparents and he tried to kill me. How -"

"No, he didn't! He would never try to harm you! Nor would I! - Lex, I love you," Chris sobbed, holding her cheek. "Please, believe me. Please!" Her eyes blurred with tears and she moved back, away from him, closer to the stairs.

"SHUT UP, BITCH! You are just like your father: nothing but a fucking liar! I wish I had never met you! Go to hell! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!"

Chris shivered, remembering the day almost half a year ago.
Now, she was standing in front of the door to Lex's study without moving. Every now and then she lifted her hand to grab the doorknob, but never actually touched it. Her hand froze each time it got near the metal, causing Chris to lower it again.

Repeating this procedure for about ten minutes, she couldn't take heart to open the door.

"I can't go in there, Clark," she whispered, looking at the tall, young man standing next to her. "I can't tell him."

"You can!" Clark petted her shoulder, giving her one of his bright, optimistic smiles. "You can go in, and you can tell him everything you have to tell him."

A slight push toward the door, but Chris only shook her head, staring at the cane in her left hand; the remains of the last time she had been completely honest with Lex.

She had fallen down the stairs then, breaking her fifth lumbar vertebra.

Lex hadn't meant to hurt her then, and Chris had never blamed him for her current condition. There was no need to. He still felt guilty about what had happened, blaming himself for it more than any other person in this world could ever do.

Right after the accident, he had hired the best doctors for her treatment, guilt-ridden as he had felt then, and Chris had to admit, she was still glad about it.
Without Lex's contact to these specialists she certainly would be a paraplegic now and not able to walk on her own feet - with the help of a walking stick. She owed him her health.

Chris sighed deeply. Lex had given her another chance, even though she was Morgan Edge's daughter. He had fought so hard to win back her trust in him, even when she hadn't wanted to see him at all. He had never given up, made apologies over and over again, and for two months now, things between them were almost normal again.

Chris glanced down at her left hand and looked at the narrow silver ring with the small, heart-shaped sapphire on her ring finger. It caused her to smile.

Lex was a good man; he had always been, but he also had been hurt a thousand times. Still, he was trying to trust her, making her happy. He even wanted to share his life with her, asked her to marry him. And, Chris had agreed.

"Chris, go in," Clark softly said. "You'll feel better once you've told him. - It won't end the same way it did last time."

"Of course not. There aren't any stairs in Lex's study," she grinned weakly and eyed the young man thoughtfully. "Right?!"

What had happened to the little boy that had been so scared of the General and was always hiding behind Jonathan when the Harris' had visited the Kents?

It had been a different time then. Chris's mother had been still alive, had been best friends with Martha, and Chris's only worries had been how to steal chocolate from Clark without getting caught by Jonathan Kent or her adoptive father, the General.

But Clark grown older, so did she. Clark wasn't the little, shy boy any longer and maybe he was right, now. Maybe, Lex wouldn't react like she expected him to. Though, the last time she had listened to Clark, she had ended up in hospital with a broken vertebra.

When I told him about being Morgan's daughter, he was shocked, but fine. And this time, he was really happy for me... and he's been always right about Lex's feelings for me. Clark has a good knowledge of human nature. He hasn't given up on Lex, yet, and... he also gave me a chance. - What shall I do now? What if Clark's wrong this time?

"C'mon, Chris... go in! Lex won't push you again. -"

"That was an accident, Clark!" she hissed, her eyes sparkling with anger. "Lex hadn't pushed me then. He's no monster!"

"See?!" The dark-haired teenager flashed her a smile and nudged her. "So, what are you scared of? After learning your darkest secret, he asked you to marry him... I begin to wonder what he'll do after learning this secret... He'll love it. And he'll love you even more!"

Chris raised her brows. "Are we still talking about the same person? Or, even the same topic?"

Clark chuckled, and slowly, his joy of life and his enthusiasm transmitted to her. However, she was insecure, almost scared.
Never had she feared Lex or his emotions. Not until that horrible day back in May, when she had seen what deep hurt and disappointment could turn Lex into.

"Okay, Lex has his issues and he's certainly not that easy to handle, but I've known him for a couple of years. I'm sure he'll be very, very happy. - At least in his Lex-ish way." Clark's voice was optimistic, so were his features, and Chris wished it would be possible to bottle the Kent's optimism and offer it for sell. They would make a fortune with it, and a little bit more optimism from Chris's side could be quite useful here.

She looked up at him, trying to return his smile.

"Clark? Would you mind, uh, to wait here? Just in case... ? Lex always calms down when you're..."

"No problem. Though, I'm sure it'll be a waste of time. - Lex will be happy to no end!" Clark winked at her and made her face the door again. "Go in there. Make Lex happy!"

Taking a deep breath, Chris grabbed her cane a little tighter before timidly knocking at the door.

*****

Lex was sitting at his desk, a file in his hands. It was opened, and thoroughly, he studied the photographs it contained.
Over and over again he shook his head, moving the pictures around, squinting his eyes for a better look. Then, he took a magnifying glass from the table and moved it over one of the photographs as he suddenly heard a knock at the door.

Frowning, he looked up to find Chris standing in the frame. His face lightened up.

She absolutely looked amazing in her black pants and the blue, silky shirt. Her hazelnut-brown hair all wavy today, was falling over her shoulders.
Lex smiled until he caught a glimpse of her cane and, as always, he felt guilt causing a sick taste in his mouth.

That was his fault! He had provoked the accident. He had pushed her down the stairs when she had been standing in front of him, telling him she loved him no matter whose daughter she was.
He was still shocked by his behaviour, then. Never had he freaked out like that before, and it was a little short of a miracle that he hadn't killed her.

Even though Chris never blamed him, and kept denying the fact he had pushed her, Lex couldn't forget. Each look at her and that horrible cane brought back the memory, reminding him of the day back in May, when he had brought domestic violence into their lives.

But Chris had forgiven him. And within the next year, she would be his wife. He was a lucky man. Undeserved, but lucky.

Certainly, she was an angel, sent by heaven. His very own angel, and once more, he swore to himself to make her happy.

Smiling, he stood up and walked over to her.

"Hey, where have you been all day?" He kissed her hello, and grinned when she snuggled up at him. It was a great feeling to be loved.

"Improved my driving skills. It's getting better every day – even with the... handicap," she smirked and looked up at him. "Missed me?"

"Mhm... first time for weeks I could work in peace... Do I look like I missed you?!"

Chris nodded thoughtfully, causing Lex to raise his brows.

What was that? Where was the cheeky tit-for-tat response of hers? She wasn't even giggling, as usual. Not even punching his chest, or pinching his arm.

He frowned, but refused to think any bad of her. In seven months they would be married, and trust was the base of each marriage. Lex remembered General Harris' speech too well. And his threats.
It was amazing how much the General loved his adoptive daughter and how much he cared for her – on the other hand, it was difficult not to love Chris.

Whipping those thoughts away, he pulled his arm around Chris's waist and gently steered her to the black leather couch near the fireplace.

"Tired, huh?! Sit down. – You know that actually, you aren't supposed to walk that much, yet?!" he criticized her lovingly, taking her cane to prop it against the sofa's arm. "Want me to give your leg a massage?"

Again, Chris nodded and moved her leg on his lap. And again, Lex frowned. Normally, she always started a small fight, reproaching him for being over-caring and over-protective, before finally accepting his offers. That was why that indifference of hers was confusing him now.

"Okay, Chris – what's up?"

"Huh? Nothing... everything's hunky-dory," she beamed, pecking his cheek. "I like it when you're massaging my leg. You're doing so good."

"Hunky-dory?" Lex repeated skeptically. He never had heard anyone actually using that phrase before, and even for Chris, it was completely out of character.

Something wasn't right here; if only he would knew what!

Suspicious, he eyed her, while rubbing and pressing the muscles of her calf.
Her eyes closed, Chris almost looked like she enjoyed his massage but Lex knew better. She was thinking about something and didn't even notice what he was doing. Probably, didn't even care.

"Chris? What is it? I can see something's bothering you!" Letting go of her leg, he cupped her chin, making her face him. "Did you cry?"

She avoided his gaze, sighing deeply.

Lex was worried, and it almost broke his heart to see her behaving like that.
Indeed, her bluish-green eyes seemed red and less jolly. Lately, she wasn't as happy and cheerful as she had been when he had met her first. Something was gone and Lex feared it was because of him. After all, he was a Luthor and they destroyed people. It was in their nature, no matter how hard he was fighting it.

If only it wouldn't be so hard to let Chris go. Then, she could live the life she deserved. She could become happy. But Lex was too selfish to abandon her. He wanted to keep her in his life – as precious as she was to him.

"I'm fine... I'm with you," she suddenly smiled. "Getting paranoid again?"

"Either that, or you've turned into the world's worst liar. - What's bothering you? Maybe I can help you..." To his own surprise, he was still incredibly calm. He could feel that she wasn't exactly hiding her problem from him, but was unsure of how to tell him.
Apparently, he hadn't won her trust back, yet, but he would do everything to show her that he cared. That she could rely on him, without any doubts.

Sighing, Chris set her feet back to the ground, grabbed her cane, and stood up. Lex could hear her breathing deeply.

"There's something I have to tell you, Lex," she began.

"There's something I have to tell you, Lex." Chris' voice was barely more than a whisper, causing Lex to eye her, confused. She appeared to be concerned and the stern expression on her face was rather unusual.

Maybe she was upset because he had been working all day long, instead of spending time with her, as promised. Or, maybe she had heard rumours about his latest project and wasn't fine with it, taking him to task now. Or, maybe she had met one of his former lovers in Metropolis. She never liked being confronted with his past in form of tall, slim, big-busted women.

Lex was thinking about it until he suddenly heard her say: "Please, don't hate me!"

He raised his brows and all his pondering was gone immediately.

"Hey, what kind of stupid idea is that? Why should I hate you?" Lex tried to take her hand, but Chris moved away from him, over to the cold fireplace in his study.

"Remember those things I've told you about my adoption? That I was abandoned in front of the General's house?" She whispered, arms wrapped around herself as if she was freezing.

Lex frowned and nodded affirmatively.

She had told him that whole story after Lionel had sent him a complete file about Chris's past – including her school reports and her bank statements. As if he hadn't already known about it.
Most of those things he had learned from his own investigation of her past, shortly after they had begun to date. The rest he had learned from Chris herself. Lionel's file was completely superfluous, except for those adoption records.
It had been news to him General Harris wasn't her biological father, but when he had confronted Chris with that information, she had told him.

Chris had spoken about her adoption just that one time, since she didn't like to think about it a lot. General Harris was the man that had raised her and therefore, he was her dad. Neither of them had ever cared about the genes.

"Sure, I remember, Chris. Why are you bringing it up again? You don't even like to talk about it."

"Lex, that was all a lie! I never was abandoned. Not in my entire life. I just told you the story my parents made up for me when I was a kid." Chris was still staring at the blackened stones of the fireplace, without facing Lex. "My biological father brought me there. He... he wanted me to be safe, at the General's. My biological mother died after giving birth to me – or rather, she got killed. I was supposed to die then, too, but... your father failed, I guess. Seems like he had had bad luck with his killer."

Lex was standing right behind her – close enough to smell the slight peachy scent of her hair – and watched her, bewildered. He couldn't believe the things he had just heard. It sounded way too much like a poorly written telenovela.

"What are you talking about? What has my father got to do with all of this?" Touching her shoulder, he made her turn around, to see her crying. "Hey... shh, don't cry, I'm here," he whispered, wiping her tears away. "I'm here for you, Chris. Please, don't cry. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. -"

"It's worse," she sobbed. "Lex... I'm... don't hate me, but... my father... it's Morgan Edge! I'm Morgan Edge's daughter!"

It was like a punch in the face and abruptly, Lex let her go. That was impossible. She couldn't be the daughter of his grandparents' murderer!

Watching her, stunned, he moved back from her, over to the small bar to pour himself a Scotch. He must have misheard her. Certainly, it was just a joke. One of those tasteless, lousy jokes she liked to make.

Finishing his glass in one gulp, he poured another one and finished it at once, too. He watched her and knew it wasn't a joke at all. She had lied to him all the time. She knew about Morgan Edge's involvement in his grandparents' death – after all, it had been him who had told her about it, asking her for juristic advises!
Why had he been so stupid? She had fooling him from the very first moment they had met.

Chris was still standing at the fireplace, shaking with anxiety and sobbing her heart out. That noise was disgusting, and Lex felt anger rising within him. She was such a hypocrite!

"Get out," he pressed through clenched teeth, grabbing his glass tighter. "Get out! Get along with you! NOW!!!"

Lex breathed in sharply. Never, would he forget that day and what he had felt then. The anger, the pain, and the disappointment. Never, would he forget her confession, her anxiety, and her cries. Nor, would he ever forget his reaction; that still scared the hell out of him.

But in this very moment, he felt like he had traveled back in time. Chris had already shared her darkest secret with him, so what was she going to tell him now? It couldn't be worse; nevertheless, she was scared. Was she remembering that day, too? Was she scared he would hurt her, again?

He took a deep breath and shook his head, hoping those thoughts would vanish.

"Lex, I... I have to... I'm pr-... - I can't marry you next May," she rapidly said, fast, as if it would give Lex less time to think about it.

He felt like a wrecking ball had just hit his stomach at full tilt, and his eyes opened wide. He shivered, watching her, stunned. Why was she saying something like that?

Even though he feared he wasn't good enough for her, he had always thought she would love him, and that she was keen on living with him as his wife. Admittedly, he had expected her to get second thoughts about her decision to give him another chance, but now, he was shocked. And hurt. And even angry.

"Then, why did you accept my proposal?" he finally asked, his teeth clenched.

"Because I love you," she whispered, tears in her eyes. "I want to be your wife, but... - I really want to marry you, but... I am... - Oh God, that's so difficult... How shall I... I don't know how to... - I'm pregnant, Lex!"

This time, Lex felt like someone had poured a bucket full of icy water above his head. First, he thought he had misheard her, but she was standing in front of him, a weak but desperate smile on her face, waiting for his response.

Lex ran his hand over his face and shook his head. She didn't want to marry him because she was pregnant? That was the most absurd situation he had ever experienced. And, it only left one conclusion. Lex clenched his fist.

"Who's the father?" He watched her sternly, when abruptly, her expression changed and he got wide-eyed. "Me???"

"No, I've had a hot night with Daffy Duck, wanker!" she yelled at him and gave him a slap in the face. Then, she turned on her heels and furiously hobbled out of his study, the foot of her cane thudding on the floor.

Lex stood there like a stuffed dummy, holding his cheek, and watched the open door, wondering how much strength there was hidden in such a dainty person like Chris. He still could feel her slap; his skin was burning. Slowly, he realized what had just happened. Chris was pregnant. She was carrying a baby.

He breathed, surprised.

Chris tells me she's pregnant and my first reaction is doubting my fatherhood... As if I expected her to cheat on me. As if she could ever do such a thing.

He tried to clear his mind. He had had sex with so many women that he couldn't even count them anymore, but none of them ever got pregnant. Or, at least, had ever told him. How could Chris be pregnant now?

They had always used contraceptives, and Chris was really accurate about taking the pill. He even remembered her sneaking out of their suite during their spontaneous trip to New York where they had celebrated their three-month-anniversary, only to get a new packet of her anti-baby-pill. Later, she had even joked he probably wouldn't have been so keen on having a special souvenir nine months later.

Chris didn't want to have children, not yet. That was why she had decided on the pill as contraceptive. The pearl index was low. The pill was safe!

"Lex, what happened?"

Suddenly, Clark was standing in the door, watching Lex curiously, who barely noticed him.

"Lex... ?"

"Chris is pregnant..." Lex murmured tonelessly. "I wanted to know the father's name... Gosh, it's me. I got her pregnant. It's my baby..." Dull, he watched his hands, stared at them as if they wouldn't belong to his body anymore.

These hands had hurt Chris, had pushed her down the stairs. They had injured her badly. And not just her. With these hands he had killed Roger Nixon. And, his baby brother Julian!

How was he supposed to hold a baby with these hands? Such a small, fragile, little creature?

He wasn't made to be a father. He could never be like a Jonathan Kent, or a General Harris. Lex had planned other things for his future, big things. It was impossible to implement those plans while having a family.

"So, she told you!?"

Lex jerked as he suddenly felt Clark's hand at his shoulder.

"Lex, you okay?" Clark's green eyes watched him worried. "You look... pale."

"Huh? Oh, Clark... Hello. - Uhm, sure... I'm fine. What you doing here?" Lex smiled absent-mindedly. He was thinking about Chris and the baby. His baby! He would be a dad. But, would he be a good dad?

What if I become like my father? Or, even worse? What if I can't love the baby? Or, the baby can't love me?! What if I hurt it, just like I've hurt Chris? What if...

So many thoughts in his head and he didn't even know if Chris was going to keep the baby, nor if she wanted to have children at all.

With me... There are better people out there...

"Lex, where is Chris? Shouldn't she be here with -"

"Clark, hi. Uhm... I'm sorry, but this is a bad time. I have work to do," he suddenly said, urging Clark back to the door.

The teenager raised his brows, watching Lex skeptically.

"Work? Sure... work... As always. - But..." He hesitated and eyed his friend, taking a deep breath. "Before you go back to work, you should know that, uh, Chris was spending half the day in our kitchen, talking to my mom. She cried a lot and she was really, really scared to tell you about... her condition." He shrugged, and the corners of his mouth were twitching helplessly. "I guess, Chris thinks you don't want children. With her. - Maybe, you should know that..."

For a moment, Lex looked a bit puzzled, but then he flashed Clark a brief smile. "Thank you, Clark."

Heading out of the study, ignoring Clark who tried to add something, Lex thought about searching Chris out and apologizing to her, but he knew she was too hurt and too upset now; no matter what he did, it would be wrong. After all, he had indirectly accused her of betrayal.
She needed a little time on her own now to calm down and he, himself, had to think things through. Learning that he had gotten a women pregnant was new to him.

So, instead of hunting for her, he walked to one of the upper balconies. It was a good place to think and, furthermore, a lonely one. No one would bother him there.

Lex sat down on a stony bench near the parapet, rested his elbows on his thighs and folded his hands between his knees.

Dusk was falling but it was still nicely warm outside. Almost too warm for October.

Lex gazed into space. It wasn't surprising to him that obviously, Chris had told Martha about her pregnancy first. After all, Mrs. Kent had been her mother's best friend since college when Mrs. Harris had been a German exchange student, and Lex knew that Chris always had felt like Martha was an aunt. That would turn Clark into some kind of cousin, and probably, that was the reason why he had been in the mansion today. As some moral support. Maybe, even as a protector.
Chris really must had been scared of Lex's reaction.

After all I've done to her, it shouldn't surprise me anymore!

Lex sighed and watched the corn fields in the distance, thinking about him, about Chris, and about the future.

Chris was pregnant. He would be a father, responsible for a small, living creature. But, was there enough space in his life for a baby?
He had his work. He had LexCorp. He was even planning to finally finish his graduate work for Yale. And, he had so many more plans for his future. Just like Chris.
Her career had just started. She was the youngest lawyer in Kansas and other attorneys, finally, were beginning to accept her as one of them – a full-value lawyer.

Only a few days ago she had told him about Richard Fishman, an infamous tax lawyer from Metropolis, who had asked her when she was coming back to court. Lex remembered how happy she had been then, and that she couldn't wait for her accident-related hiatus to end.
Having a baby at this point would push her right into the next hiatus.

Well, then she finally could start to relax a bit...

But, what about him? He was thinking about running for the mayoralty elections next year. LexCorp was developing. Some of the projects were making good progress and it wouldn't take long until LexCorp grew bigger than LuthorCorp. Lex was too busy with other things.

Furthermore, he was hot-tempered, cynical and he craved power. Especially since he had met Chris; he was hardly able to control his feelings. Would he be able to master his temperament in future times? With a baby around?
Although he had behaved like some kind of lap-dog lately, he wasn't sure if it would last this way. Lex didn't even know if he wanted to have a family. Now.
Was he able to take the responsibility? Could he care for a child? Emotionally? Was he mature enough?

More than two hours passed, wherein Lex was racking his brains. He thought about everything – more than once, moved back and forth in his thoughts until he came to the conclusion: he loved Chris. He didn't want to lose her again. And, that he wanted to be a father. Even though it would change a few things.

Having a baby with Chris was the most wonderful thing he could think of. Though, the fear of being a bad father remained.

*****

"Come here!"

Chris frowned. Lex was sitting on a bench, his back turned to her. There was no way he could have known she was standing behind him. Except within the last hours there had been eyes growing out of his back.

"How could you know I'm here?" Slowly, she moved toward him, hoping that she had washed all traces of tears off of her face. Lex mustn't know that she had cried - again.

"My heart pounds faster when you're near," he said. "Besides, I've heard your cane. It's not exactly the best advantage when you plan to steal up on somebody. - Come, sit down." He tapped on the surface next to him.

Chris smiled weakly. That was typical for Lex. First, he said something wonderful about the feelings he had for her, and then he added an ironic comment. Still, it usually made her feel happy since she knew he was just hiding behind his Sarcasm because he had never learned how to express his feelings. Deep inside he was a funny, but vulnerable person.

Hobbling toward the bench, she watched him. His left cheek was still a little red and Chris felt horrible.
"Sorry! I didn't mean to slap you," she whispered, sitting down on the outer edge of the bench, whereupon Lex pulled her closer. "Does it hurt? I didn't mean to slap you that hard... I didn't mean to slap you at all!"

"Shh, don't apologize. I deserved it. I deserved it more than anything else," he said quietly, his smile as weak as hers. "It was cruel and humiliating of me to doubt that... that I got you pregnant. I know it's my baby. And, I know you're a loyal person that would never betray anyone. - That was the first thing your father told me about you." He paused for a moment and looked at her. "I really regret my behaviour."

"You don't have to apologize, either," Chris explained sternly. "Uh, it was me that has started all the drama. I should've come in and said something like 'Babe, we're pregnant!'. Just like normal people do." She shrugged, chewing on her lower lip and screwing up her face.

Maybe, in a few years, that would have worked, but at this time it seemed surreal to Chris. And, once more, she wished there would be a manual for Lex. It would make things so much easier.

How did you tell someone like Lex Luthor that you was expecting his baby?

"Apparently, we aren't normal people," he chuckled, brushing a strand of brown hair out of her face. "And, to be honest, I doubt I would've reacted any differently then. A little, maybe... - I was really surprised. After all, you always took the pill and -"

"You do know there's no one hundred percent of safety," she interrupted him and tried to smile. "Especially not when it comes to the Luthors' sperm of doom."

"Sperm of doom? Nice..."

She made a face at him and sighed deeply, which caused Lex to silence. He folded her in his arms, and when she rested her head at his shoulder, he kissed her parting.

"Lex, what are we going to do now?" Desperately, she tried to hide her tears.

She was pregnant. The thought of something – someone – growing inside of her was more than scary.
Other women got pregnant. Married ones. Or teenage girls. Or rape victims. Anyone else, but not her. That was impossible. The doctor, the blood test, the ultrasound must have been wrong!

She remembered when she had left for Harvard at the age of sixteen, her dad had told her all men were bastards and that pregnancies would scare them away. Chris didn't mean to scare Lex away! She wanted to be with him for the rest of her life. If only they could be already married, then she wouldn't lose him that easily anymore!

Chris shivered. She couldn't be a mom, yet; she was still a child, herself!

What was a mom like? Sometimes, she couldn't even remember her mother's face anymore. Or, what she had smelled like. Not even the sound of her laugh. It was impossible to be a mom herself. She couldn't work in front of court with a baby in her arms. She didn't even know how to change diapers!

"What are we going to do now?" she whispered again. "Do you want children at all, Lex? I mean... do you see yourself having babies with me?" She eyed him questioningly but Lex didn't answer.

He didn't even look at her, but right through her, fixing a point at the stony wall of the mansion behind Chris.

She should have known better! Lex wasn't a family man, nor was she a mom.

Her heart broke and depressed, she stripped off the engagement ring from her finger, putting it in his hands. His silence was clear enough! Even though she hadn't figured out yet if she wanted to have the baby, she didn't want Lex to stay with her just because he felt responsible.

Grabbing her cane, she stood and walked back into the mansion.
Maybe, she could sue the pharmaceutical industry for lying to their customers. Apparently, the pill wasn't as safe as they liked to say. And, her Grandma had been right telling her the safest form of safe sex was no sex.

Chris sighed. If only she had never told Lex. She could have gotten an abortion without his knowledge and they would have married; living happily ever after. They weren't supposed to have children. He was Lionel Luthor's son and she was Morgan Edge's biological daughter – their babies would become monsters. Cruel monsters!

She had to gulp and her blood ran cold. Badly, she wanted to see her dad now. The General certainly would know what to do. He always did! He was her tower of strength!

"Chris!" Lex was screaming her name. "Chris... Angel, wait!"

She was already standing at the top of the stairs as she heard his voice and slowly, she turned around to face him.

Carefully, he took her by the hand, pulling her with him.

"We shouldn't speak near stairs anymore," he quietly said, leading her back on the hallway.

Chris gave him a sad smile. He still felt guilty because of her fall back in May; that was more than obvious. He would always blame himself and Chris couldn't change it, no matter how hard she tried.

Smiling, Lex took her left hand and put the ring back at her finger, before kissing away the tears that were still rolling down her cheeks. Chris hadn't even noticed she was crying.

"I want to be with you. For the rest of my life. I want to marry you. And, of course, I want to have children. Your children!"

"R-really? But... why haven't you answered then?"

"You were gone before I had the chance to answer, little drama queen. My little drama queen," he smiled, brushing her cheek with his knuckles.

"When you asked me if I want to have babies with you, I was just surprised. I've always thought you would refuse to start a family with me because... - Chris, you are the only woman I can imagine having a family with!"

He still smiled and suddenly, Chris had butterflies in her stomach. She watched him, surprised, and shyly returned his smile. Apparently, Martha and Clark had been right earlier today when they had tried to convince her that Lex would love having babies with her.

She was going to say something when suddenly Lex's expression changed. His gaze dropped down to his hands and Chris frowned.

There was something wrong. Lex was supposed to be strong and self-confident, but now he seemed to be insecure, almost scared, and Chris didn't know why.
She opened her mouth to say something when Lex raised his head at once. Lifting his hands, he held them right in front of her face.

"How shall I hold a baby with those? I've hurt you so much with my hands, my words. I murdered. - I could never be a good father." His voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper, and his eyes watched her desperately.

Chris winced, but abruptly, she felt much calmer. Her own anxiety was almost gone and she could even smile again. At least, a little.

Her fear was ridiculous compared to that of Lex. Though, Lex never explicitly had said he was scared of becoming like his father one day, she knew that was one of his deepest fears. She had seen it in his actions, several times. He suffered for the things he had done in his life, but this was actually the first time he spoke about it.

Smiling, she took his left hand, making it cup her cheek.
"You have no idea how tender these hands can be," she whispered, kissing his palm. "Don't doubt yourself, Lex. You are a wonderful man and one day you'll be the perfect dad... A better one than Lionel. - Not that it would be difficult to beat him..."

The corners of Lex's mouth were twitching into a weak grin.

"Do you think I'd have taken your proposal if I thought you a murderer? Or worse? With shooting Roger Nixon, you saved Jonathan Kent's life. Some people would call you a hero for that." She pressed his hand closer against her cheek.

Lex closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I really don't know just what had gotten into me..."

Slightly, Chris rolled her eyes. Over and over again, he apologized for showing his feelings, pretending it was something to be ashamed of, and she wondered if he could ever stop it, if he would ever learn that it was okay to give in and vent his feelings.

It's so stupid to bottle them up. One day they are going to break out...

She kissed his palm again. "It's okay..."

Suddenly, his hand left her cheek, moving down to her stomach. He pressed his fingers flat against it. Chris couldn't see his face anymore – he was staring at her belly – but, she thought he was smiling.

"How far?"

"Doctor said fifth week..."

"So, May then!?" He looked up, his face was blank. "Our baby will be there in May..." He paused and watched her, hand still caressing her abdomen through the material of her shirt.

A baby. Now...

Chris had always thought she wouldn't be a mom before she turned thirty. Or forty. Actually, she had never seen herself as a mom. Of course, when she was younger she had dreamed about a husband and children, but she had always expected that those children might be adopted. Just like herself.

"Chris, you do get the baby, right?"

Blinking, she watched him puzzled. Was that a question? A fact? A threat?
And suddenly, Chris realized that she hadn't even thought about it yet. All the time she had been thinking about *raising* a child, not *getting* one. She had been thinking about Lex's reaction and what a baby would change in her life, how it would affect her career. But she had never thought about being pregnant for the next thirty-five weeks.

She stared at his chest.

When I'll carry the child to full term... I'll have to bear it. Oh my God! It'll get out the same way it's gotten in. That must hurt like hell! And, I'll also get fat. Fat and pain for only a baby? Bad deal! I can't do that! I can't press a baby out... I don't wanna get fat!

"Chris?"

"I'll get fat! I don't wanna get fat! You won't like me anymore when I'm fat. No one likes fat people," she cried and Lex began to laugh, almost a bit hysterically.

"And I thought Clark was overdoing... as always," he sighed, trying to calm down. Both of them. "You really were scared about telling me, right?! So scared that you haven't even thought about what you want!?" Gently, he stroked over her hair, watching her almost compassionately.

"Hell, I wasn't scared of telling you. And, least of all, I'm scared of you, Lex!" Chris hissed angrily, pushing his hand away. "I've already learned my lesson: there's no reason for me to fear you as long as I'm honest with you and – Wait a minute! Clark? Clark's told you? - Why can't that fishwife keep his mouth shut just for once?" she huffed irritably.

"Because he's the best friend one can think of! He did right to tell me," Lex smiled, cupping her chin to make her face him. "Calm down. I know you aren't mad at him. Actually, it's almost impossible to be mad at Clark Kent."

"Because he's like a human Golden Retriever!?"

Lex smirked, brushing her lips. "So, you weren't scared of me then, but obviously, you were pondering all day how to -"

"No, I just - "

"Shh!" He placed his index finger on her lips to stop her speaking.

"Listen, there was no reason to be scared of me or think about how to tell me. You didn't get pregnant out of the blue. - I was surprised, of course, but now I count myself lucky. Yet, it's not important what I want or how I feel. At the moment, it's all on you, Angel. It's only your decision. - You're five weeks pregnant, which means there are a couple of weeks left to think about having the baby or not. A child will change our lives. Yours, even more. - I don't want you to do anything you aren't sure of!"

"B-but it's your baby, too," Chris stuttered, bewildered.

Indirectly, Lex was talking about an abortion, although only a second before, he had sounded like he would love to raise that child with her. Where was this sudden change coming from?

"What about you? Shouldn't we make such a decision together?!"

"Well, I'm not the pregnant one. And, we aren't married yet. In a few weeks – or months – I could get bored of you. -"

Chris rolled her eyes. "You haven't gotten bored of me during the last years... Quite the opposite."

"I get bored of you and leave you. You'll be alone. With a baby you maybe never wanted to raise," he continued, his voice sounding calm.

"You are the father. Even though we aren't married yet, that doesn't mean you can get away from your responsibility. It's not that easy. Not even for you!"

"You say I am the father, but I don't have any proof. I'll deny my paternity."

"There are tests," Chris threw in, rolling her eyes again. "The law can force you into taking such a test. And, it'll be positive. You'll have to support the baby."

"I wouldn't be the first man that refuses to pay alimony. Besides, my father has excellent lawyers just for cases like that!"

"As if they could beat me," Chris snorted.

"When exactly have you became an expert for paternity suits?"

"When this stupid conversation has started!"

Lex chuckled and kissed her forehead. "You always want to have the final say, don't you?!"

"No, that's not true! I just -"

Lex closed her mouth with a long kiss that made Chris' legs turn jelly. A few moments passed before Lex was looking at her again.

"I just tried to point out what could happen..."

Chris looked at him, her lips still burning from his kiss, and she wanted more.

"I want you to be happy," he said. "Take your time and think about what you want. And whatever your decision will be, I'm fine with it. Do you understand?"

He eyed her, an encouraging expression on his face, and Chris felt her eyes filling with tears again.

Lex deserved better than her! In her thoughts, she had made him a monster that would go berserk about the news of her pregnancy. Instead, he had remained calm and reacted like the most perfect man of all.

He really wanted to have the baby, but left the final decision to her. Even though it would be so easy for him to force her into carrying the baby to full term. After all, he still was a Luthor and Chris knew that he could turn into an almost unscrupulous man to reach his goals. The results of his father's education.

Still, Chris felt horribly bad. Lex wasn't his father, and for years, Chris was trying to convince people that Lex was a good man, attempting to do the right things, and now it had been her that had made him worse than Lionel.

Lex was able and willing to give her and at least a swarm of children a wonderful home, and she still didn't know whether she wanted the baby. The decision should be easy to make.

"Hey, don't cry," Lex whispered, nearly looking like he was going to join her emotional breakdown. "Did I say something wrong?"

Chris pressed her lips and shook her head. And suddenly, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Her cane fell, crashing onto the floor.

"I love you so much," she sobbed into his ear, while he was folding her in his arms. His left foot pulled the cane closer to him.

"I know, Angel!" Bending down, Lex took the cane without letting Chris go, but abruptly, she pushed him away.

*****

Lex stood in front of the closed bathroom door, frowning. Only a few minutes ago, Chris had locked herself in there without giving him any explanation. And still, he was surprised by her speed. Even though walking on a cane, she had almost run into the bathroom.

"Chris? You alright?" he asked, watching the mahogany door.

No answer. - Only a few choking sounds.

Involuntarily, Lex had to grin. Chris was really with a baby, and obviously, it was no fairy tale that pregnant women got sick all the time – not just in the mornings. Yet, he felt a little guilty since he also took his share of her current state. Hopefully, the sickness wouldn't last until the pregnancy's end. If Chris would carry the baby at all.

Lex sighed. He may have left the final decision to her, but inside he was hoping she would decide on the baby. Sure, a child would change everything and Lex was worried about his skills as a father, but maybe that was his only chance to start a family. He could be happy with Chris. And the baby. He could have an ordinary, loving family. Just like the Kents were.

A smile flickered across his face when he visualized Chris with a little child. She would be a wonderful mother, full of warmth and love, as she was.

I'd do anything to be a good father. I can make them happy. Chris and our baby! I can be a father!

Lex ran his left hand over his face and took a deep breath. It wasn't even sure yet whether Chris would keep the baby, however, he was already making plans about his eventual fatherhood.
Slowly, he got accustomed to the thought of having a family and he felt that it was wrong. After all, he had suggested for Chris to think about an abortion. Maybe, she would choose that option and Lex didn't really know what would happen then.

He took another deep breath. The presence was the only important thing right now. There was enough time left to think about what might happen, in future times.

Lex knocked at the door. "Chris? You alright? May I come in?" He was going to reach for the doorknob as the door suddenly swung open.

Chris stepped out. She looked pale, her eyes red and glassy. "Never used that bathroom before... Nice toilet," she snickered which caused Lex to shake his head, amused.

"Weirdo! - How you're feeling now?"

"Kinda empty... - What? Don't look at me like that! What do you think I'm feeling? I was hugging the toilet for the last few minutes." Chris rolled her eyes, but she was grinning.

At least her humor was back, and inwardly, Lex sighed in relief. Apparently, she felt better.

Leaning in, he tried to give her a kiss when she turned her head.

"Uhm... later. I'd like to brush my teeth first. Or do you have some peppermint?"

Lex answered in the negative, moving his lips to her forehead while trying to imagine their baby. If it was only a little like Chris, it must become the most wonderful creature in this world!

But she hasn't made up her mind yet! - Calm down, Luthor!

"I'm afraid you'll have to go downstairs to the master bathroom," he finally said. "I don't have peppermint with me."

"Won't you come with me?"

"To brush your teeth?!" Lex raised his brows.

"Downstairs!"

"Well, I thought you'd like to be alone for a while..." He silenced for a moment and brushed a strand of brown hair from her forehead. "Besides, there's still some work for me to do."

Chris pursed her lips and muttered something under her breath, before slowly nodding.
"Sure... but don't expect me to make a decision while you're having your nose in some files," she quietly said. "I'll start to scream if I have to think about my womb any longer. I really need a break. At least, until tomorrow. I, uh, just look at me! I'm already a wreck!"

Lex blinked. Actually, he really had hoped she would decide within the next hours, but obviously, that was only his wishful thinking.
Of course, Chris couldn't make such a life-changing decision today; alone. She needed more time. After all, it was her that had to handle the thought of someone growing inside of her, even though that knowledge seemed wonderful and exciting to Lex. The woman he loved was with his baby!

Thoughtfully, he looked at her.

It doesn't seem to be wonderful to her. Of course not. She's still Chris. Probably, she's even comparing her state with those 'Alien' movies right now. - I'll never understand what she likes so much about that genre. Even for her, it's... unusual.

He brushed his thumb over her cheek. "Chris, I told you to take your time and I meant what I said! I never expected you to make up your mind today."

"Who are you trying to fool?" Winking, she turned around and hobbled toward the stairs. "Will you have to work long, or is there a tiny chance for us to have a nice evening? A nice, normal evening? - There's a Looney Tunes special on Channel 9 tonight... Daffy Duck all night long. Doefn't found it fantaftic?" she lisped and flashed him a devilish smile.

Lex rolled his eyes while following her to the stairs.

As a child, he hadn't been allowed to watch television that often and especially, no cartoons. The daily news, the market reports, and, every now and then, a documentation on the History Channel had been the only thing he had seen on TV in his youth. Later, when he had been bored of club hopping with his so-called friends, and stayed home, he had discovered his love for cartoons. Perhaps, that had just been another part of his teenage rebellion, but it was fun to watch speaking bunnies and lisping ducks. Although, he preferred people not to know about that of his hobbies.

"Tell me why I don't kill you!"

"Uhm... orange isn't your colour," Chris grinned while walking down the stairs, holding onto the banister rail.

It still hurt Lex to see how difficult it was for her to use stairs. She took step by step and he waited for her, matching his pace with hers. Always standing near enough to reach out for her if she should stumble.

"Besides, you could never live without me," she laughed, sticking out her tongue at him.

"You have an exaggerated opinion of yourself today," he smirked, though she was right. He loved her and wasn't keen on letting her go ever again.

When she liked to make fun of him because he liked cartoons, he was fine with it. At least, he knew Chris would never tell anyone about that. She was like a little girl and loved secrets to no end. Furthermore, she had promised to never tell, and as a daughter of a Marine, she took her promises very serious.

"It's probably my fiancé's bad influence," she grinned and finally reached the last step to the floor of their bedroom. "He's a horrible man. Why do you think I'm spending so much time with you?! - So, what about your work, now?"

The foot of her cane suddenly hit the edge of the hallway-runner and Chris almost lost her balance. Immediately, Lex reached out for her arm but then decided against it, pretending to look at his wristwatch.

It was his fault that Chris was handicapped, and he would do anything to change it, if it was possible at all. The worst part, though, was Chris's refusal of accepting his help.
Everything, she wanted to do on her own. Even when she had been walking on a pair of crutches, she had never accepted his help. She had even yelled at him several times when he had tried to coddle her a bit.
Never, had his intention been bad, and never had he seen a cripple in her, just like she thought; but it was the only way for him to show her that he felt sorry. That he tried to make it up to her.

He sighed. Out from the corners of his eyes, he watched her, still ready to catch her, but Chris already got her balance. She flashed him a smile that he returned.
Then, he really checked the time and raised his brows in surprise.
It was almost ten o'clock. More than three hours had been passed since Chris had told him about her pregnancy.

"Le-ex?"

"Hmm? Oh, it won't take long. An hour. Maybe two..."

"And you call me workaholic," Chris sighed theatrically, moving toward their bedroom. "Well then, I'm gonna keep the bed warm..."

"That sounds good." Smiling, he kissed her temple. "I'll hurry! - When you need something -"

"You mean, anything beside you?!" she giggled, opening the door. "I'm fine. Really! - Now go. The sooner you're gone, the sooner you're back. And, when you're back, I'm acting like an adult again. Promised!" She slightly pushed him away and entered the room. "Oh, and Lex? When I stumble you are allowed to help me!"

Grinning, Lex shook his head a bit before he headed for the stairs, going down into his study. At least, now he got permission to care about her.

Pondering about what was so special about Chris that drew him to her, he sat back in his chair, grabbing for the file he had been reading in, three hours ago. A Post-It was sticking on its cover, saying: I hope everything is okay. If you need someone to talk anyway, you know where I am. Clark.

Lex smiled. He had almost forgotten about Clark, but he was grateful to have such a good friend that cared for him. And maybe he would even take his offer – tomorrow. Now, there was still the file waiting for him.
He opened it and began to read the long memo, though the meaning was slipping through his brain. He simply couldn't concentrate. Again and again, his thoughts were drifting away. To Chris and their unborn baby.

Maybe, it was too early. They were only engaged for a couple of weeks, and perhaps even that was too early. Although, Lex was sure about his feelings for Chris and her returning them, he had once promised himself not to hasten anything in this relationship.
Chris was different from all women he had ever met in his life, and least of all, he wanted to hurt her. Or, get hurt himself.

When it came to marriages, he was a burnt child. At the age of 22, he had been married to a woman he had only met a couple of weeks before. The marriage had been annulled, though, when she had tried to kill him after being married for two days. - Or actually, had let Jonathan Kent try to kill him.
With Chris, Lex didn't want to rush things. And yet, he did.

Of course, she would never harm him, although, he was convinced she would succeed if she were trying. After all, she had grown up among Marines, and she was clever. So, if she would be after his money, they would certainly already be married and he would be pushing up the daisies. But Chris loved him; he was aware of that.

However, he only knew her for about three years now, and had already asked her to marry him. Maybe, he should have wait a little longer. Enjoy the time with her without further obligations. They were still young. Was it right to get bound to each other at that very point of their relationship?

And now, the baby as well. It was too early! He wasn't ready, yet, for a child in his life – maybe he would never be!
He didn't even know if it was him that got Chris pregnant. There had been so many women in his life before, but none of them had ever gotten pregnant.
It was possible that the meteor shower of 1989 not only caused him to lose all of his hair, but also made him infertile. Maybe, he wasn't able to sire a child at all.

Lex shook his head and stood, moving over to the bar. Where did all these thoughts come from? He had never doubted his virility before; actually, he wasn't even thinking about it, and now he got qualms?

He knew Chris! She was loyal. She had been raised by a General of the United States Marines Corps. She would rather give up her beloved coffee than cheat on him, or even palm another man's child as his.

He took a decanter full of Scotch and poured himself a glass. Taking a sip, he absent-mindedly stared at the purple-covered billiard table.

We can't have a baby. It'll have an awful gene pool. Lionel, Morgan... I can't let Chris decide on an abortion, either. It's too dangerous. After all, it's still a surgery.

And, he wanted to see her baby. Their baby.

Lex ran his hand over his scalp, moaning. Never, had he felt so confused about his feelings. Never, had he wanted something so badly and was scared of it at the same time.

He began to wonder what had driven him to tell Chris it was her decision, what should happen next. Instead, he should have told her to have the baby. Sooner or later, she would get accustomed to the thought of being a mother, of raising his child.

She has turned me into a sentimental idiot! Why is it more important to me how she feels? This is still my life! I shouldn't care about others' feelings. It's important what I want!

He moved back to his desk, sitting down in his chair again. In moments like this, he hated Chris and the way she made him feel.

"What have you done to me, Chris?" he whispered, staring at the amber liquor in his glass, before he suddenly began to smile.

He wasn't mad at Chris for making him feel this way. They had had a wonderful, joyful time so far. With fightings, of course, yet he wouldn't want to miss a single minute.

He sat his glass onto the table and reached for the file again. Opening it, he turned the second page, but gave it up as a bad job a second later. He couldn't concentrate. Not as long as his thoughts were drifting away, over and over again.

Standing, he left the room to go upstairs. He had to talk to Chris. He needed to hear her decision right now, otherwise, he would go mad.

And, if she hasn't made up her mind yet, I'll convince her to have the baby. It's mine, too. She'd do anything for me. She's addicted to me. She can't live without me, even though I've almost killed her. - We'll have this baby! It's our child!

When he opened the bedroom's door, he heard the Looney Tunes' theme song and involuntarily, he smiled. He had always liked that song. For a moment, he watched the screen with Bugs Bunny on it, welcoming to the show, before he glanced at his bed.
Indeed, Chris kept the bed warm as promised. Her legs stretched out, her back resting at the headboard, she was already wearing her pajamas: a blue tank top and black boxers.

Lex grinned again when he recognized the pants. Once more, she had helped herself to his wardrobe, taken a pair of his boxers. She liked wearing his clothes, and secretly, Lex found it quite amusing to see her in his shirts - or this time his underwear, though he would never understand what was so special about his clothing.

Daffy Duck's lisping voice came from the speakers and Lex briefly turned his head to the huge plasma screen, when he suddenly heard a dull thud. He looked back at the bed to find the remote control had slipped out off Chris's hand. She was sleeping.

Disappointed, he sighed. His plans of talking to her just went up in smoke. Of course, he could wake her, but she always looked like an angel when she was asleep, and besides, it had been a long day, with a long ride in the emotional roller coaster, likely, caused by the hormones. Chris had to get some rest now.

Quietly, he closed the door behind him, moving over to the bed.

Like most people, Chris seemed to be even younger and more innocent when she was sleeping, but there was also always the hint of a smile on her face, even now - what caused a marked contrast to the slight wrinkle between her brows that usually only appeared when she was thinking.

Lex squatted down next to her side of the bed and watched his sleeping fiancée for a while. It was incredibly calming, and not boring at all, to look at her. He could do that for hours, and more than once, he had spent full nights watching her sleep.

He smiled. Chris was all his. No matter what he did, she held onto him, never gave up on him.
Lex was blessed with her love, and that feeling was deeply satisfying. He refused to call it happiness, although it came pretty close to what he was feeling right now, but whenever he had been happy in his life before, something bad had happened; someone had died and all the happiness was gone. Satisfaction, though, stayed longer and lately, it seemed to have taken a permanent place in his life.

His gaze dropped down to her stomach. Inside, there was his child growing. A little boy or a little girl. He smiled at the thought of having a daughter. A smaller version of Chris that would love, and look up to him.

Carefully, he reached out for her abdomen and gently stroked it.

Chris squeaked slightly without waking up.

Lex smirked. She sounded like a guinea pig, as always, when she was sleeping and highly pleased.
He remembered the first time he had heard her making that sound. Then, he had thought Chris would have a nightmare and he had woken her – less lovingly than he did now. Chris almost had been shocked then, asking if the house was burning.
Lex got used to her squeaks, as he now knew she felt comfortable and happy when she was sleeping next to him.

He moved his knuckles gently over her cheek before reaching out for the blanket to cover Chris.

"It was a long and exciting day. You deserve your sleep!" he whispered and took the remote control, powering off the TV before pressing another key, whereupon the screen vanished behind the paneling.

"Daddy?" she muttered sleepily and rolled onto her side.

The corners of Lex's mouth twitched into an amused smile and gently, he kissed her temple.
Not yet, but hopefully in eight months, he thought, standing up and heading for the bathroom, where he took off his clothes and slipped into his robe before he moved over to the basin to brush his teeth.

Reaching for his toothbrush, he put some toothpaste on it, and thought about how to persuade Chris to have the baby, and what it would be like to become a father.
He still feared he would be a bad one, but he was more scared that Chris would refuse to raise the child and of his reaction to that.

In eight months, they could have a little boy or a little girl, although Lex was almost convinced they would have a little daughter.
At least, he would rather have a girl than a boy.

A girl, he could coddle and spoil, just like he tried to do with Chris; but while she always told him that he was overdoing it, his daughter would love it. She would love him and every single minute she could spend with her dad. And, he would have a lot of time for her. He wouldn't be like his father. He would love his child, and wouldn't be afraid to show it. He would teach his girl a lot of things – joyful things like swimming and cycling. She would be allowed to run around in torn jeans and play outside in the garden, getting dirty. He would teach his girl what's right and wrong, and not just how to make more money.

Rinsing out his mouth and washing his face, he reached out for a towel as he suddenly paused for a moment.

I'm already planning his or her life, though I don't even know what he or she wants. I sound like some freaking Soccer Mom! And Chris has to make up her mind first! - Damn it! I should have told her to keep it. Sometimes, it wouldn't be too bad to be a little more like my father. I should have forced her to keep the baby... but then she would hate me...

He dried his face and moaned slightly. Sometimes, it wasn't that easy to show consideration for someone else, even though Lex knew sooner or later he would get rewarded for that. In any way.

Turning off the lights, he reentered the bedroom. Chris was still sleeping, so he slipped out of his robe and hung it over the bedpost before quietly sliding into bed. It didn't take long until she cuddled up against him, resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arm around his waist, still asleep.

Lex smiled and folded her into his arms before closing his eyes, slowly dozing off.

*****

It was still black night when Chris woke up. The bedroom was dark – only a small stripe of silver moonlight shining through a crack in the curtains, lighting up the room a bit.
Next to her, she heard Lex's steady-going breaths and she raised her head, smiling.

Lex Luthor was certainly the most handsome man in Kansas – or rather America – but Chris liked him even better when he was asleep.

Smirking, her gaze moved over his naked upper body that looked even paler in the cold moonlight. She knew she wasn't the first person to see him like that, but again, she hoped she would be the last.

Gently, she caressed his chest, which was so smooth and muscular. More muscular than one expected when he was dressed.

Chris giggled quietly as she remembered their first night. How she had undressed him and began to titter when she was touching his chest. She had been surprised then, and of course, she had shared her astonishment about his muscles, causing Lex to laugh. It also had been the first time she had heard his wonderful laugh he was normally hiding.

Lex smirked, he sneered, he grinned, but rarely, was he laughing out loud, although he had a great sense of humor and could be incredibly silly from time to time. That was what Chris loved the most about him, and when he was asleep he was more her Lex and less Luthor's heir.

Chris took a deep breath, biting her lips to prevent herself from screaming out loud. How lucky was she to be loved by this wonderful man?!

She knew that Lex had dated his fair share of supermodels, actresses, and big-busted heiresses – women that fit way better in his world than Chris Harris, coffee-addicted lawyer from Metropolis that liked to behave like a five-year-old.
But, Lex had decided to be with her. Even though she had grown up amongst soldiers and therefore barely knew how to behave like a lady. Even though she had a strange kind of humor and was more than hyperactive. Even though she had lied at him about her descent.

Again, Chris took a deep breath. She could continue with that list forever, hiding her light under a bushel and turning Lex into a knight in a shining armour that had saved her from her old life, but not even Chris was pathetic enough for something like that.

She was lucky, of course, but her life had never been bad. She had a career and earned good money. She had wonderful friends and a loving father. She had had a good life before she had met Lex, and now, it was just a little better.

Prince Charming... just a little more complicated. - Maybe, my life is a fairy tale. A modern version with more drama. But, definitely less boring than the fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm. This story won't end after the wedding.

She made a happy face, still stroking Lex's chest.

He was a wonderful man. Complicated, but wonderful.

There was so much love in him and he was willing to share it, while being scared to get hurt at the same time. Nevertheless, from time to time Chris was struggling herself, to not give up on him yet. Admittedly, it was difficult to be with Lex. She tried to make him happy but never got rid of the feeling she was always failing, doing something wrong. And still, she couldn't imagine to live her life without him, anymore.

Carefully, she sat up and hugged her knees. Thousands of thoughts were rushing through her head and she tried to clear her mind.

She was pregnant, and there were so many things she had to observe while making her decision whether to keep the baby, or not.

It wasn't right of Lex to let me have the last word on that topic! How can I make such a decision without thinking of him? It's not like he's some bastard or worse! Damn it! Whatever my decision will be, it'll change everything between us.
Either we'll be Mommy and Daddy soon, or he'll hate me for getting rid of his baby. That's just not right! It's unfair!

Sighing, she slid out of the bed, grabbing her cane and one of the smaller pillows and snuck into the bathroom. Within her memory, the bathroom had always been the place where she could think best, and many a time, she had prepared her best pleadings in the restroom.

Sitting down on the floor, the pillow pressed against her chest liked a stuffed animal, she sighed again.

Lex was trying really hard to share his life with her, and it wasn't that easy. For either of them. Certainly, it wouldn't get easier with a baby around.
She knew that Lex would do anything to become a good father, but the question was: could he keep it up?

At the age of ten, Chris had learned that she was Morgan Edge's biological daughter, but it had never bothered her much. She had met Morgan as a charming, joking, and sophisticated man that appeared to be unable to harm a fly. She had liked the thought of having another father that also loved her but would never made any prohibitions to her, until she had found out about his dark deeds and she had feared that she could become a criminal, too, once she was grown up.
Only her mother's words had been able to calm her a little.

"It's not important whom you are born to, Chrissy. It's the environment that affects our personality. Parents, friends, teachers... That is all more important than the gene pool."

Chris remembered her mother as a kind and intelligent person, but if she had been right it would mean that one day: Lex turned into Lionel, and Chris firmly refused to believe that.
Unlike Lionel, Lex had a heart and a conscience, and even though sometimes he had made the wrong decisions, at least he was always trying to do the right things, distancing himself from his father, helping others.

Lex will be a wonderful dad! Maybe, that's even what he needs. Someone to take care of. Someone he can spoil. He likes to do that. - Besides, Morgan has his good sides, too. And, he really is a murderer...

Chris began to chew on her lower lip and tried not to think about Lex. He wanted her to make her decision without him – at least, she should try it.

She began to make an imaginary list.

From the financial point, she needn't fear the future. Compared to the Luthors, she was far away from being rich, but with her mother's heritage and her own half of a lawyer's office she was rather wealthy. And, she still had a capital trust on the Caymans that Lex didn't knew about. It was Morgan Edge's money and she didn't want to use it. Especially, because she was too scared that Lionel Luthor might find out about it, revealing the connection between her and Morgan.
Still, she was a wealthy woman and she could take care for herself and a child without being dependent on financial support from Lex, or anyone else.

And, of course, there was still the General, her beloved father. And Keith, her best friend for almost two decades. Both of them would be there for her, as always. She could count on these men and neither of them would ever turn away from her. Keith, as a detective at the MPD, and the General, as a Marine – Chris couldn't imagine any more loyal people.

"Semper fi," she whispered, smiling.

Always faithful, the credo of the Marines Corps. Chris had grown up with that motto and internalized it. It was important to the General and it was important to her! She had been raised that way.

So far, so good.

Chris had the money and would be supported if she decided on the baby. The only problem left was her! She still didn't see herself as a mom. She feared she could never be responsible enough to take care of a small, helpless creature.

Jeez, I've even managed it to let a cactus die of thirst!

She was nearly ready to cry – again. All afternoon long, she had been sitting in Martha Kent's kitchen, sobbing her heart out. One should think there weren't any tears left now.

"A cactus isn't a baby. Babies cry when they're hungry! - Now, stop being so childish, Christine!" she scolded herself.

After all, she was still the daughter of a Marine. She had the genes of a criminal mastermind and she was a successful lawyer. The latter probably because of her genes, if her father was to be believed. Chris wasn't a whiny, little girl that lived in a fairy tale – she was strong and clever.

In February, she would turn 24 and it was about time to behave like a mature, responsible person. If she was old enough to have sex, then she was also old enough to handle the consequences!

The minutes flew by and Chris only stood up again when her butt began to hurt from sitting on the cold tiles. She had made up her mind, and she was sure about it.
Grabbing her cane, she reentered the bedroom.

"Lex? You sleeping?" she quietly asked, moving to his side of the bed. "Lex, we have to talk!" She gently shook his shoulder, sitting down next to him on the edge of the mattress.
"Lex? You already sleeping?"

He moaned, trying to shake off her hand, but she kept joggling him.

"Lex, do you sleep?"

"Uhm... not anymore..." He squinted at her before slowly opening his eyes, rubbing his hand over his face. "Wuzzup?" he mumbled, suppressing a yawn.

Chris couldn't help but smile. A sleepy Lex was something she had never seen before since he usually mastered all his feelings. No matter whether it was anger, happiness, disappointment, or even hunger and thirst. Sometimes, he was almost like a robot, hence Chris was happy to see him sleepy now. And, he looked really cute.

"Why aren't you sleeping, Angel? At -" Lex interrupted himself and glanced at his watch on the bedside table. "Gosh, Chris! It's ten to four in the morning!" He groaned, his head fell back into the pillows, hand covering his eyes. "You can't be serious..."

"I thought you were awake..." she whimpered sheepish.

"With my eyes closed?!"

"Well, it's not like you're always sleeping just because you lie in bed," she pouted snappish.

It wasn't a secret that Lex suffered from a mild form of insomnia, and that there have been whole nights he hadn't closed an eye. He had lain awake, watching her, or thinking about LexCorp, or Lionel, or anything else.
How could she know that the news about her pregnancy made him sleep like a log?

Lex rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "You're right... This time, I was sleeping, though," he smiled and sat up, petting her knee. "Why aren't you in bed, Angel?"

"I couldn't sleep. I was thinking all the time. It's like... Lex, I'm pregnant!"

"Youalreadytoldme," he muttered, yawning. "And, I told you to take your time. You can still rack your brains tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. The whole next week, for my part, but now -" he put his arm around her waist and pulled her toward him, hands moving titillative down her back, "come back to bed. I'm tired, Angel!"

Chris giggled. She was very ticklish and actually, she liked Lex titillating her, but now she shook him off.

"Lex, wait," she panted, moving back. "I can't stop thinking about those things you've said today! That I could end up with a baby, but without you. Without you and your help and your support and your love and... It's such a horrible thought. Realistic, but... - Just because you asked me to marry you, it doesn't mean we'll live happily ever after, right?! We don't know what future brings!"

He sat up again, raising his brows.
"Maybe, I'm still asleep and this is just a dream but - who are you, and what have you done to my very romantic fiancée?"

Chris couldn't help but smile. She palmed his cheek.
"I locked the little girl away. We need some rational thinking here," she said, shrugging.

It was even more difficult than expected to tell him about her decision. Especially now that he was in this joking mood. Chris loved him even more when he acted a little silly and was fooling around. Once in a blue moon, he was like that and she didn't want to destroy that moment. But, she had to tell him. The sooner, the better.

She sighed.

"I'm sorry, Lex. I've changed your life in so many ways. Probably, I made it even more complicated – if even possible – and now I'm afraid that you -" She broke off when she saw the look in his eyes. She had seen it before, in May actually when he had learned that she wasn't the woman he had thought she was. But this time, his expression was different, even more intense and suddenly, Chris knew her decision was the right one.

Carefully, she took his hand and smiled at him, insecure and a little desperate.

"You're a wonderful man. And, I love you. Even though you get all grumpy when you were rudely awakened but... But, you should accustom yourself to getting awakened in the middle of the night... Daddy!"

Her smile widened while she watched him, full of expectation, but Lex just stared at her. His hand was laying weakly in hers.

Chris frowned. Maybe, he hadn't understand her. After all, he still was all sleepy.

"Lex, I made up my mind," she explained, smiling. "I'm going to have the baby!"

Still, no reaction. Lex just watched her, dull.

"We'll have a baby," she said once more, her excitement slowly fading away.

Actually, she had expected him to be all smiles about that news. Only a few moments before, when she had started her speech, he had appeared to be disappointed. Truly, it hadn't been one of her best speeches, and obviously it had sounded to him like she had decided on an abortion, so actually he was supposed to be happy now.
Earlier today, he had even said that he was excited about the baby.

Hell, why isn't there a manual for that man? Or at least, a self-help group? After all the women he had dated before... some of them have to know how to handle him. They can't be all self-centered bitches. They have to share their experiences! Maybe I can google something...

"Oh hell, damn it!" she cursed, biting her lips when she realized that she had screamed her thoughts out loud. Clearing her throat, she stood up.
"Well, you're still half-asleep, so it wasn't my best idea to tell you now," she said while moving around the bed. "We should get some sleep. It's late. Or early... Whatever."

"Are you sure?" Lex suddenly asked, which made Chris turn her head.

"Yeah! It's o four hundred. Definitely a good time for sleep!"

"She let the little girl out again. Thank God!" he simpered, sliding out of the bed to follow her. "I'm not really sure if I like your rational self." Gently, he cupped her chin and eyed her strongly. "Chris, are you sure about the baby?"

Confused, she looked up at him and tried to interpret his face, which was impossible. His expression was blank, and the weak moonlight that barely lit the room wasn't a huge help, either. His face remained unreadable.

Taking a deep breath, she finally nodded.

"Yes, I am sure! I'll have the baby. It's a part of you. And me. I have to have it! Besides, it's the best way I can think of to bind you to me," she grinned, only to get serious again a second later. "Lex, I'm really sure! Even if I have to raise that child on my own, without you. I'll have it. I'll be a mom!" Her voice was clear and convinced, and Chris a bit surprised about herself.

Suddenly, she began to feel excited about her pregnancy. The thought of sharing her body with someone else for the next couple of months was still scary, but she was looking forward to the baby now. Her baby!
She couldn't even understand anymore why she had been so worried and confused about it all day long. She was going to be a mom - with Lex's support or without it – but, nothing could change her mind again.

She looked up at Lex and found him smiling. It was small, almost invisible, but it was definitely there.

"Is that good or bad?" she asked quietly, eying him.

Lex blinked. "Pardon me?"

"Your smile! Is it a good and happy one, or a bad and evil one?"

His smile widened. "A deeply satisfied one," he replied, taking her face between his hands. "I am deeply satisfied!"

"I hope that's Luthoric for happy," she snickered, although she knew it was. Lex was happy, too, no matter that he was hiding between his words now. He wanted that baby as much as she did, and her heart began pounding.
"I hope it's happy. Otherwise, I'd feel like your brood-mare." She kissed the tip of his nose.

Chris couldn't stop grinning and even Lex was still smiling. His left hand moved down to her stomach and suddenly, he leaned in, giving her a long, loving kiss that made her knees turn into jelly.

Why had she been so scared? It was more than obvious that Lex loved the thought of becoming a father, and that he loved to have a family with her. And likely, now he was even more happy – or satisfied – that she had made that decision on her own. It was always so important to him that she did everything voluntarily – even spending time with him – and a tiny voice inside her head told Chris that meeting Lex was like winning the lottery.

Happy, she wrapped her arms around his neck, her walking-stick crashing to the floor but neither of them cared. Lex even pulled her a little closer, causing Chris to feel thousands of busy butterflies flying around inside her.

"Seems like you're happy about your decision," he whispered near her lips, smiling. He was beaming with joy. Probably, for the first time in his life.

"Nah!" She shook her head, watching him in earnest. "I am deeply satisfied!"

"Tease! Give me my romantic angel back!" Lex laughed and lifted her up, turning around with her once on his own axis.

Chris joined his laughter, hoping that he would remain that cheerful for the rest of his life. She, at least, would try everything to make him happy, keep him laughing. Come what may, Lex deserved it!

"We'll have a baby," he whispered, his voice sounded a little surprised. He carefully put her down on her feet and moved his hand over to her stomach again, slipping it beneath her tank. There was an almost foolish grin on his face.

"We'll have the most gorgeous, little baby of all," she replied, her voice bouncing a little with joy.

She would have a baby. Lex's baby. Chris still couldn't believe it. It was almost strange to feel all that excitement taking control over her.

She looked at Lex again who suddenly bent down to her abdomen, kissing it. She began to giggle when he squatted down in front of her, shoving the fabrics of her top up.

"What you're doing down there?"

"Welcoming her," he explained earnest, squinting up at her before kissing her stomach again. "Telling her that I can't wait to meet her."

"Her?" Chris replied, amused, raising her brows. His silliness made her happy, causing a tingling sensation inside of her.

"Well, our daughter, of course!"

"Of course!" Chris laughed. Lex Luthor playing silly buggers with her was even better than Martha Kent's apple pie.
"What are you? A breathing ultrasound system?" Grinning, she petted the small bump at the back of his head that Lex enjoyed so much. "What if it's a boy?"

Shaking his head, he rose and tried to watch her in earnest, but the corners of his mouth twitched into a foolish grin again. Chris returned his smile, however, less foolish and more happy.

"It won't be a boy. We'll have a little daughter," he explained and finally allowed himself to smile. "A small version of you!"

Chris felt her cheeks blushing while Lex wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer and kissed her again.

"I have to admit, I'm glad about your decision."

"Glad? Careful, babe. That's pretty close to happy," she snickered. "Will you still say that when I got fat? And, when our little boy wakens you in the middle of the night?"

"First, you won't get fat! Second, we'll have a girl! And third, yes! The answer is definitely yes!" He kissed the tip of her nose, and for a second, Chris thought he wouldn't say anything else when his expression changed, becoming almost a bit cheeky. "Besides, isn't the father responsible for the child's gender? Trust me: I've got you pregnant with a girl!"

Chris laughed out loud. Who would have thought that Lex was able to behave that dorky? And, how much his silliness made her feel more comfortable with her current situation every passing second.

"You really are convinced that the little cookie here is a girl, aren't you?" she laughed, caressing his scalp.
She couldn't wait to see Lex holding his baby. That had to be a wonderful sight, and she knew Lex would be an awesome daddy. With a lot of love for his little baby.

Lex looked up at her, smiling, and carefully, he swept a strand from her face back behind her ear, cupping her cheek in his hand.
"The little cookie!?" he repeated, amused. "I hope you're not planning to name her that?"

"Cookie Luthor? Hmm... why not, sounds good! If we should ever have a girl, we'll name her Cookie," Chris announced cheerfully. "But now, we need a boy name."

"Tell me, why are you so sure it's a boy?"

"Why are you so sure it's a girl?"

"I asked first!"

"Hey, I'm the silly, pouting one in this relationship. You're stiff and sophisticated," she said, whereupon Lex playfully pinched her nose.

"You forgot cheeky."

"Lex, I'd never dare to call you cheeky!" She watched him, indignant, before bursting into laughter. A few moments passed and Chris tried to calm down again, while Lex just glanced at her annoyed, though his eyes were still sparkling.

"Okay, I'm fine...To answer your question: he's in my uterus and therefore, I know he's a boy! Besides, I don't wanna share you with another girl. She'd get all your attention and I'll be left out," she snickered, kissing him again.

She actually didn't care whether they would have a son or a daughter. Lex would spoil and love the baby, anyway. But for some reason, Chris felt that there was a little boy growing inside of her.

*****

Lex had never felt this way before. In his arms, he was holding the most wonderful woman in this world, and she was with his baby. In a couple of months, he would be a father. That knowledge was incredible and the feeling was overwhelming him.

He was even a little surprised by all that happiness inside of him. Never, had he expected he would ever feel that way, nor that he would have his own family. With Chris, who was breathing small, sighing noises into his mouth.
They would live a happy life and he would do anything so that Chris and their baby loved him.

He would be a dad soon!

All of a sudden, the warm feeling of joy faded away. Lex couldn't control it, though he was trying hard not to let this feeling go; nonetheless, he began to shiver.

Years ago, he had experienced a similar feeling of joy. Julian had been born then, and Lex had been happy about being a big brother, feeling like he had a real family. He still could remember the first time he had been allowed to hold the baby, and he still remembered Lionel's proud face. But, it hadn't been meant for him.

Julian had been Lionel's pride. The perfect, healthy baby, free from asthma or reddish hair. Indeed, Julian had had a downy head of brown hair from the day he was born and probably, Lionel had pinned his hopes on Julian to be the better heir.
Lionel had loved the baby more as if he could have ever loved Lex.

That's why I've killed him. That's why I've murdered my baby brother. I was jealous. A jealous monster, only 12 years old. What will happen now? If Chris and me really get a boy?

Confused and slightly shocked, he let Chris go, grabbing his robe from the bedpost and slipped into it. Tying the belt around his waist, he moved away toward the French windows, barely noticing Chris holding on to the bedpost, fighting for her balance. Her cane was lying somewhere on the floor, but at this moment Lex didn't care about helping her.

He had almost forgotten what had really happened to Julian – so much, he was used to the story his father had made up for the medias: the youngest Luthor died of SIDS.
Of course, that sounded way better than a fratricide, and it also had brought Lionel the people's sympathy, making LuthorCorp's stocks raise.

Lex kept telling himself that he had been a child then, unaware of what he was doing but he failed. When Julian had died, he had been 12 years old – old enough to know that pressing a pillow on one's face usually causes asphyxia.

It could happen again. Or, I'll turn into my father. - I know I can be a good father for a girl, but a boy...?

"Lex?"

He heard Chris' soft voice behind him but he didn't dare turn around. He knew if he did, he would burst out into screams and never stop again. Instead, he was touching the scar on his upper lip – the remains of Lionel's reaction when he had caught his oldest son standing at Julian's crib, a pillow in his hands.

"Lex? You alright?" Chris's voice sounded confused and Lex thought he could also hear a slight nuance of anxiety.

He swallowed hard.

Chris didn't know about the circumstances that had caused Julian's death, she only knew the official story, the same as almost everyone that had lived in Metropolis at that time. Lex had never had the guts to tell her the truth. He had even lied at her when she had asked him about the scar at his lip. Until today, she thought it had been a surf accident in Australia, although he had never been surfing in his entire life.

"Lex, you're scaring me," she whispered. "What's going on?"

He felt her small hand touching his shoulder, hearing the foot of her cane thudding the floor as she moved around him. Their eyes met.

"Wow, you look exactly like I'm feeling," she muttered, forcing herself into a smile. "Hey, it's me who's pregnant. You needn't join me in my hourly bathroom visits..." She propped her walking-stick against the frame of the French door and took his hands into hers.

"Lex, what is it? What are you thinking about?" Her look was sweeping over him, too intense as if Lex could withstand it any longer.

He averted his gaze from her, fixing on a point at the curtains behind her.

"Is it... is it about Julian?"

Lex blinked and stared at her in disbelief. She was biting her lips, guilty, almost as if she'd known that she had crossed a line.

How does she know? She can't read my mind, can she? Why does she know what I'm thinking?

"Why do you guess so?" he asked suspiciously, trying to let his voice sound cool, though.

"So, it is Julian? And the way he had died?"

Lex frowned. He had never told her what really happened. Lionel and him were the only people that knew the truth. Them and the coroner who had performed the autopsy at Julian's corpse and who had been blackmailed by Lionel not to tell the truth.

Had Lionel told Chris? Did he really hate him enough to destroy the happiest relationship Lex had ever had? Would Chris really believe his father? Or, did she even ask the coroner; gave him money to tell her the truth?

Lex knew that she was wealthy. She owned shares of her uncle's company that she had inherited from her mother. And, he was pretty sure that she also had money from Morgan Edge. He was her biological father, he was rich, and he really cared for her.

Lex felt betrayed, anger raising inside of him. His eyes met hers again.
"What did my father told you? Have you investigated me and my past? My family's past?" he hissed through clenched teeth, snatching the cane to put it back into her hands.

He moved away from her, padding over to an antique sideboard where a decanter of Scotch and some glasses were set upon. He poured himself a drink, swallowing back a large mouthful, and took a deep breath.

A quiet voice reminded him that he once had promised to drink less; that had been Chris's condition when she had given him another chance right after the accident that had caused her lame leg. But, she had also promised him not to betray him. Never! No matter what would happen. Yet, she did!
He had trusted her, letting her come near him, to his inner feelings and she had nothing better to do as to betray him. Just like all women in his life had done before.

"Why have you done it?" he pressed without looking at her. "It's all a thing of the past."

"I've done nothing. Except you call sleeping next to you an investigation and then, it's not my fault, it's yours! No one ever forced you to share your bed with me," she replied calm, following him.

Lex was surprised. Actually, he had expected her to yell at him, sobbing, defending herself passionately, but nothing. She was all calm, her voice free from any emotion. It was like she was speaking in front of court and still, Lex didn't dare to face her.

"You once told me that your brother had died of crib death and I believed you. I never had a reason to doubt your words, Lex. I still believe you, but... Sometimes, you speak in your sleep and, mostly, it's about Julian," she explained, her voice suddenly became soft and lovingly.

"I never touched upon this before, since I didn't know if you were just having a bad dream or if those dreams were your actual memories. - I only asked about Julian because you look so pale and worried, and I assumed you'd be afraid that our baby could die of SIDS, too... Now, I'm not sure anymore and I start to wonder why you freaked out so much."

Lex turned around, watching her. Since he had met Chris, he tried to express his feelings and now that he was finally able to do it, he realized that he forgot how to think. He had became emotional, irrational, and over reactive. Almost like Chris.
If that was the prize he had to pay, he would rather abstain from the ability to express his feelings.

"Lex, I'm asking you just this one time, and then I'll never bring it up again. Whatever your answer is, I'll believe you. I won't doubt your words," she said, moving closer to him, fingers drifting over his arm, warm through the fabric of his robe.
"Do you have any reason to feel responsible for your brother's death?" Her gaze was warm and immediately, Lex remembered why he trusted her.

She loved him and never had judged him for what he was or what he had done. She had a deep faith in him, he didn't understand, but he knew she would be always at his side.
On the other hand, she was still a lawyer. A pretty good one that knew how to make people tell her the things she wanted to know.

What does she want to hear? That I'm a murderer? That I've killed my own brother? Or, that I just miss him. Someone I barely know because he died way too soon.

He gulped. Maybe, he should lie to her. Chris would never learn the truth; except, his father could suddenly decide to tell the world about the fratricide that had taken place in his family. Improbable, that Lionel would ever do such a thing – too much he was trying to keep the high standing of his family.

Even if he reveals that chapter of our family chronicles, Chris would never believe him. Likely, she would jump straight into his face if he should charge me with murder.

Chris had idealized him. She would believe anything of him, so he could lie to her and she would stay with him for the rest of her life. Or, he could tell her right now what had really happened the night before Julian's baptism.
Certainly, she would leave him in the blink of an eye, raising their baby on her own, far away from him. She would find someone else to share her life with, living happily just like she deserved.

Lex swallowed. He didn't know what to do.

Chris was still stroking his arm when he looked down at her again. Her expression was filled with love and understanding so that he couldn't lie to her at all. He tried to, but he was lost for words. Instead, he slowly began to nod.

Chris's mouth formed a surprised 'O' while her hand moved down his arm to his fingers, and stopped.

"Chris, I... I choked him with a pillow-"

"Babe, shh!" she whispered, holding his hand, their fingers interlocked. "You needn't tell me!"

Actually, he didn't want to tell her but once his mouth was open he couldn't withhold the words any longer. He had to tell her!

"Julian was crying so loud and Mom was still exhausted by the birth. The pregnancy had been so difficult for her. She needed to rest!" He glanced down at the glass in his hand, carrying it with him over to the bed, where he sat down. Holding the glass between his fingers, he stared at the amber liquor in it, continuing.

"I tried to calm him. I rocked him and sang him a lullaby, but he began to cry even louder! I feared Mom would wake up, so I took a pillow and pressed it onto his face to muffle his cries. I didn't mean to..." He trailed off, not wanting to voice it aloud. The memory was still too vivid.

"I know, Lex." Chris walked over to him and sat down next to him on the mattress. Laying her cane down onto the floor, she took his hand again, gently caressing his fingers. "I know you never meant to harm your little brother."

Lex wished she wouldn't look at him like that. He wished her voice wasn't so soft and her touch wasn't so lovely. He wished she would yell at him, slap him like his father had done. It angered him badly that she still believed in him, that she couldn't see any bad in him. It was just wrong. He wasn't the man she thought he was.

"You know nothing," he snarled. "I envied Julian. For... what he had. I wanted him to be dead!"

Letting his hand go, Chris took the glass away, setting it on the bedside table, before taking his face between her hands.

"Lex, don't! Don't tell yourself things like that. We both know it's not true. - Now, look at me!" She made him face her, bringing his eyes back at hers.
"I've seen the picture of you and Julian. Remember? You showed me when you first told me about him. You weren't jealous, but a proud big brother! You never wanted him to be dead! - Babe, you were twelve years old then; a kid yourself. It was an accident! You couldn't know -"

"I should've known that my action caused asphyxia!" he snapped, grabbing his glass to finish it. "I wasn't then able to take care of a baby, nor will I be now!" He stood up, walked over to the sideboard, took the decanter again and refilled his glass.
"We can't raise the baby together. Of course, I'll pay for it, but we can't raise it together! I'd kill it, too." Lifting the glass to his lips, he finished it at once and turned around to pour himself another drink.

"It'd be easier to drink directly from the bottle," Chris commented coldly, rose, and followed him to the dresser, taking the glass from his hand. "Cheers!" Inclining her head, she raised the drink.

Open-mouthed, Lex stared at her and before he could stop himself, he slapped the glass out of her hand.
"Are you freaking insane? You can't have a drink. You're pregnant!"

"Oh, you care?! Or, is it just because you're afraid to pay for a handicapped child. Could get expensive... Don't worry, I don't need your money, you won't have to give me a single cent. - This is my body, my baby. You have just decided to not raise the child with me, so you really don't need to care whether I'm drinking or not. I'll have to deal with the baby, and its health, not you!" She picked another glass and filled it to the top, lifting it to her lips.

"CHRIS! Don't you dare!" He grabbed her wrist and the Scotch spilled.

"Or what? Will I fall down the stairs again?"

Inwardly, Lex winced. Chris had touched a sore point, and she knew it, according to the expression on her face.
"This is way beyond fun! Stop acting like a moron -"

"Excuse me?" Chris raised her brows, shoulders quivering with rage. "Who has started all this shit?" she hissed when Lex sat her glass back at the top of the dresser.

"Who has started acting like a brainless idiot? You are searching for guilt where there's no guilt at all, Lex! - Where had your father been the night Julian died? If your mother was too weak to look after the baby it should have been Lionel to do so. Where had your father been that night? Where was the nanny? Any other freaking adult should have looked after Julian, but definitely not you, Lex! Damn it!!!" She was almost screaming when suddenly, she calmed down, taking a deep breath.

"Lex, I totally understand that you're scared. I'm scared, too." Her voice was, now, all soft and warm again.
"We'll have a baby. - I'm gonna have it. And, you'll be the father. No matter if you want that or not. No matter whether you're ready for that, or whether you'll be at my side to raise the baby. Of course, I hope we'll be a family, but... Neither of us knows what it means to be a mom or a dad. We'll have to learn it. We have to grow into that part just like everyone else!"
Wiping off her Scotch-wetted hand on her shorts, she moved closer to him and rested her head at his chest. Lex heard her slightly sobbing.

Whenever he felt responsible or guilty for something, Chris got upset and began to shout, defending his actions. Defending him, since obviously, she thought he wasn't able to do it on his own. And, even now, she had found an excuse for him killing Julian, making it appear like an accident and shifting the blame on Lionel.
Lex hadn't figured out yet whether he was glad about that attitude of her or not.

"What happened to Julian won't happen again," she whispered. "Whether it was SIDS or something else, it simply won't happen again. We'll be good parents! Even though you was raised by Lionel and I have Morgan's genes – we are not like them!" She looked up, her eyes teary.

"Lex, you aren't Cain. - Or, was it Abel? I always confuse them. Which one struck dead his brother?" She wrinkled her nose a bit, then shrugged. "Anyway, you're not like that guy from the bible. You are a good man! I couldn't love you so much if you weren't." Again, she rested her forehead at his chest, taking a deep breath.

Lex shivered, folding her in his arms to make sure she was real. She loved him with every fiber of her being, and even though he had lied to her, hurt her, she still had faith in him.

Why can't I just be grateful for that? Why can't I simply enjoy my life? Chris has the patience of a saint. She never gives up on me. I don't deserve her. She's an angel!

He swallowed hard. He never felt so loved and supported before.

"It was Cain, the older brother," he finally said, when the silence between them became unbearable for the first time. "He was jealous because God rejected his sacrifice while accepting Abel's. Cain -"

"Alright, I don't need a religion lesson right now," she smiled at him, weakly. "You aren't like Cain. I know you loved Julian! - Lex, you'll be a good father."

"I don't see why."

"But, isn't it obvious? You've been so happy about the baby. You kissed my belly and you said you were welcoming your daughter. - I've never seen you beaming that much before! There was proud in your eyes, pleasure and joy." She watched him happily, her fingers gently trailing over his jaw line.
"Besides, you've been raised by Lionel - just do quite the opposite of what he'd do, and it makes you an incredible good dad! It's like you have a manual while I don't have a clue how to be a mom." She screwed up her face a bit, but her eyes were still smiling at him.

"You already love the little cookie, here. Don't deny it. Your eyes tell me the truth, anyway. - You'll be a good father as long as you do the opposite of what Lionel would do. And then, you'll be as good as the General!"

The opposite? That certainly means: love the baby!

So simply said.
Lex watched the young woman in his arms, wondering why she knew so much about life and why she was so faithful. In his eyes, she was still half-a-child and likely, she imagined the worst things parents could do was grounding, or scaring boyfriends away.

Inwardly, Lex chuckled a bit at the thought of her dad, remembering when he had met the six-foot-four-inch tall, Clark Gable look-alike Chris called Dad, first.
General Harris had almost him scared away, and Lex was definitely not easy to intimidate. Nevertheless, the General was a good man and he had raised Chris well; he had taught her how to empathize with others and apparently, Chris' empathy was strong.

Still, she would never be able to understand what Lex really felt, and how deep the rift between Lionel and him actually was. But maybe, it wasn't even necessary. Maybe, it was more important that she was trying to understand. And, it meant a lot to him that she compared him to the General, she clearly adored.

Lex felt a lump in his throat and his sight blurred. Blinking, he breathed in deeply and glanced at Chris.
"You really believe it, don't you?!" His thumb moved gently over her full, soft lips.

"I don't just believe it, I know it!" She beamed at him. "The little cookie here is lucky to be your child."

Lex couldn't agree with her notion, but he tried to return her smile.

"Why do you have so much faith in me?"

"I don't know. Call it naivety, or a messiah complex," she shrugged. "Maybe, it's because I'm a weirdo. After all, I've always had a good relation to Morgan and still believe deep inside he's a nice man... But likely, it's because I was raised by a Marine. -"

"Semper fidelis?" Lex interrupted. Was it really that easy?

Grinning, Chris nodded and gently kissed his lips.
"I can't help myself, Lex. It's in my nature. Once I put my faith in a person, I can't withdraw it anymore. I never could, I never did and I never had to regret it."

He slightly touched her face. Pure naivety was speaking out of her. With that kind of attitude she definitely would get hurt one day and even though she seemed to be aware of that fact, he hoped it wouldn't be him to hurt her, that she did right, to choose him. And, he began to wonder whether he could ever allow himself to enjoy what life was offering him.
Maybe, Chris's faith in him was big enough for both of them.

"Lex, are you willing to be a dad? Don't you want to try it?" For another time, she took his hand and now, she pressed it flat against her stomach. "It's your baby... It's your little baby."

Chris's fingers were caressing the back of his hand, while he felt the warm skin of her abdomen at his palm. For a moment, Lex forgot about everything and slowly, the warm feeling of joy came back. Not as intense as it had been before, but it was there again, warming him, cheering him up.

The corners of his mouth were twitching into a surprised smile. The imagination of having a child was less scary now, but more wonderful. Nevertheless, he was mortified, since he had shared his fears with Chris.

How was she able to make him talk about things he had actually buried deep down in his memory?

Clearing his throat, he raised his head to face Chris.

"It's our baby." He paused and took a deep breath, watching her with a disbelieving smile. "You're pregnant. That's... wonderful!"

"Really? You won't change your mind in a second again?!"

Lex shook his head, and all of a sudden his arms were filled with a happy Chris. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her legs curled around his waist, she kissed him enthusiastically.
He stumbled a little backwards, as always, when she flew in his arms like that, but quickly, he recovered himself and returned her kiss.

"And next time, we'll try to do it with a little less drama, okay?!" Chris whispered, nuzzling his nose.

"You do know that you're a little loopy, don't you?!" he replied smilingly.

"Even so, you love me!" she grinned and kissed him again.

"You have no idea!"

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